Who You Were
by SeRa.RoCkS
Summary: After his father’s death, James Lucas Scott goes back to Tree Hill to search for the will. What he finds goes beyond mere possessions as he uncovers the secret past of the father he never knew, and the unforgettable love between two destined people. NH.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Who You Were

**Author: **sera_rocks / Sera

**Rating: **M

**Summary: **After his father's death, James Lucas Scott is forced to go back to Tree Hill and the house he abandoned years ago to search for the will. What he finds goes beyond mere bequeathed possessions as he uncovers the secret past of the father he never knew, and the unforgettable love of two people who were destined to be together.

**A/N: **Hey guys! Okay, you're probably sitting there wondering why the hell am I posting a new story when I have another one still far from over. Well, I've had the basic idea for months now, but I had no crazy plot to go along with it. It wasn't until I got inspired recently that I started writing this. This story is really different from anything I've done before so I'm a bit nervous about this. I hope I can pull it off. A big, huge thanks to **Lillie** for becoming my beyond awesome beta and helping me sort out all the kinks to this.

Please tell me what you think! :)

**Chapter 1:**

_The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future._

-Oscar Wilde

Thirty-year-old James Lucas Scott sat in the driver's seat of his car, his fingers drumming on the surface of the steering wheel as he stared at the towering house in front of him. It was a sprawling Victorian house, with a wide, open lawn, trimmed and well-kept as if the owners were still living there but no one was ever in that house anymore. Not since his father's funeral a few days ago anyway, when this house was full of faceless, nameless people he didn't know, muttering their condolences to him when he honestly could not care any less. James remembered walking up that paved pathway leading to the newly polished wooden door that shone even from the distance of his car to the house. He knew it was polished because he could still smell it – the sharp, odd scent that always made him a little dizzy and his face scrunch up in the "most adorable" way his mother always teased him about.

An unmistakable feel of sadness overcame James again, just like it always did. He desperately missed his mother. He hadn't seen her in years and he could still remember how unbelievable beautiful she was, the way her deep, dark brown hair framed her angelic face, and how her big, doe-like eyes were always full of love and kindness for him. He wished he could see her again … wished he could feel the same comfort she gave him years before.

With another sigh, he stepped out of the empty car and felt the gravel shift beneath his feet, hearing nothing but the soft whisper of the wind against his bare skin. It was strangely colder than usual and he regretted not picking up the jacket his wife so thoughtfully placed by the door that morning so he wouldn't forget. He walked down the paved pathway, his eyes looking around the lawn and his mind reluctantly reliving memories he rather did not want to remember. He remembered running around the lawn as a child, shouting happily as he did and feeling overjoyed when he heard his mom cheer enthusiastically cheer him on. James looked up at the dark clouds hovering above him and silently wondered why the weather so perfectly matched his somber mood. Truthfully, he would rather be anywhere else right now than this.

James finally arrived on the doorstep of the house, inhaling the scent of the wood polish. It never really occurred to him how much he would be affected by being in the house he had left years ago. More memories overcame him and he started to wonder if he could really do this. He fumbled for his keys and shakily unlocked the door. The door swung open and for a few moments, James motionlessly stood there, his eyes trying to adjust to the sudden change of light. It was much darker inside the house and as he forced himself to step inside, he wrinkled his nose at the smell of stale air, as if there hadn't been a funeral in here just recently.

James had been so busy dodging people's useless condolences to really notice the house and he only realized now how much it hadn't changed. His shoes made squeaky sounds on the wooden floor that was just as polished as the door so that when he looked down, he could see a warped reflection of himself on the shiny floor. Except for the funny smell, everything seemed to be in perfect order, well-kept and neat, as if people were still living there. James reached out to flick on a light switch and almost instantly regretted it.

It was then that he saw everything … he saw the living room where he and his family celebrated Christmas for seventeen years straight, where he and his friends watched TV and hung out all day in, where his mother used to help him with his homework … where he watched his whole childhood fall apart.

With an inward cringe, James tore his gaze away and focused on the nearby table, where a set of framed photographs stood. He saw himself in most of the pictures, mostly of him when he was much younger and the rest were family photographs. He never noticed before but there weren't any family photographs of just the three of them – his dad, his mom and him. It was either the three of them with other relatives, or none at all. However, there was one fading portrait of his mother. God, she looked just like how he remembered her – beautiful with her dark brown hair framing her face and smiling softly, her eyes unwaveringly kind. James didn't know how old she was there, but she looked young. Then again, his mother always looked young. There had always been a sense of youth about her that no one else had.

He unclipped the pin at the back of the frame and slipped the portrait out. It was surprisingly firm for a portrait that was fading, as if it hadn't been touched in years. James flipped it over, hoping for a date but there was nothing. Slightly disappointed, he slipped the portrait into his wallet. He doubted his dad would give a damn, anyway. His dad probably wasn't even the one who placed the picture into the frame. It was probably just lying around somewhere and the caretaker found it and placed it there, just to give the place a homier, we-were-a-family feel – as if a few new photographs would make any difference to James. He had never felt at home in this place, as long as his dad was there.

Even with his dad gone, James could still feel his presence in the house – the cold, unwelcoming feeling he always gave out. James often wondered if he had always given that feeling to people. He must have not at some point, because his mother fell in love with him. But how could she possibly stay with such a cold, uncaring man? As far as he was concerned, Nathan Scott was anything but a father. Just a man who lived in the house, ate breakfast with him in silence and was always gone for the rest of the day.

James never knew his father the way his friends and classmates did … God, he had hated hearing his classmates talk about their fathers, especially on Monday mornings, fresh from the weekend camping and fishing trips.

"_My dad and I went to watch a basketball game last week."_

"_It was so cool – my dad taught me how to build a campfire and everything. We roughed it up all weekend."_

"_What about you, Jamie? What did you and your dad do?"_

As always, whenever one of his friends asked him that, all James could do was shrug and say, "Just normal stuff." If normal stuff was considered as completely ignoring that the other one existed, well he had been telling the truth. James remembered being a young boy nearly bursting with jealousy as he watched the neighborhood kids play catch with their dad outside, or having their dad teach them how to ride a bike, or go down a slope with their skateboards. No one ever taught James how to do those things. He always had to learn by himself and then pretend that his dad taught him at home. He remembered the overwhelming sadness he felt every time he woke up and saw his mother eating breakfast alone in the kitchen, or cooking breakfast for just two people.

James' eyes fell on the photographs that had the three of them in the frame. It was always that way; his father and mother simply standing side by side, their hands tightly clasped and his mother's hand on his shoulder. That was pretty much it. It was a sharp contrast with the other people in the frame, all of their faces happy, and even if they stood at a distance from one another, they all had some sort of family connection between them – something James never saw in his family. As a child, he took the smallest comfort in the fact that at least his parents' hands were tightly clasped, but as he grew older, he realized that it was just one of those lies they threw to people to make them believe that they were happy – that they were a family. It was anything but.

Bitterly, James tore his gaze away and he proceeded to the stairs, determinedly avoiding looking at anything else. He was here for one thing and one thing only – to look for the will his dad supposedly left behind. If he left James this house, one thing was for sure … he was going to sell this damned place. He had no use for such a piece of crap. If he were given the choice, he wouldn't even look for the will. James had no use for anything his father would have bequeathed to him and he didn't want anything from him.

Suddenly, he felt the cell phone in his pocket ringing. He smiled slightly at the name blinking on the screen and hurriedly answered it. "Hey,"

"Hey," her voice said softly, as if to comfort him. "How is it?"

James sighed, looking around as he walked up the stairs. He heard the wood creaking beneath him with every step he took, glanced at the framed pictures on the wall beside him that taunted him about the past he didn't want to remember and sighed again.

"That's two sighs already and you haven't said anything yet. Are you okay?" She asked him, her voice full of concern.

"I'm fine. It's just … I'm glad I didn't bring the kids over here. They wanted to come."

"James …"

He knew that tone of her voice. She was getting annoyed and he abruptly changed the topic. "I'm just here to find the will, nothing else. I'll be home as soon as I'm done, alright? This probably won't take long."

"Will you be home by dinner?"

"I hope so."

There was a pause for a few seconds and she added, "It looks like it's going to rain. Come home as soon as it starts to, okay? You can always come back tomorrow."

"Beth," he warned.

"I don't care if you only want to step foot in that house once, James. You go back to that house a hundred times if you have to. You come home as soon as one raindrop falls, alright? It's been so cloudy all week, so the rain is going to be strong." She told him sternly.

James couldn't help but smile at how concerned she was for him. "Okay, okay, Miss Bossy. I'll call you later, okay? I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Say hi to the kids for me."

"I will."

The phone call ended and James pocketed the phone. He found himself standing in the doorway of the attic. He had been so deep in conversation and thoughts that he didn't realize just how high up he had gone. James liked the atmosphere of the room. The stale smell was stronger here, but there were no pictures to remind him of anything he didn't want to remember. It was nothing but a bare-walled attic with a rather big chest in the middle of the floor.

James supposed that the attic was a good place to start. He would work his way down the house. Besides, he had always wondered what was inside that big, dark chest when he was a kid. He never had the courage to come up here and open it. James walked inside and tugged the cord that lit open a light bulb hanging above him. He knelt down and brushed the thick layer of dust off the surface of the chest. Grimacing at the amount of dirt on his hand, he tried to wipe it off on his jeans and he grinned at how appalled Beth would be at him later on when she would see how dirty his jeans were.

The chest was huge. It could probably fit a fully-grown man inside with plenty of room left. James ran his fingers over the worn surface, feeling anticipation get the better of him as he wondered what could possibly be inside. All he knew was that on the rare occasions his dad was home, he would come up here and stay in here for hours straight, probably looking through the stuff in this chest. Just the curiosity of knowing what could be inside gnawed at James as every plausible idea ran through his mind.

Visibly trembling now, James reached out and unclasped the locks on either side of the chest. Hearing them click, he slowly lifted the lid, which was surprisingly heavy. The rusting hinges creaked loudly with every inch that the lid lifted, giving the obvious idea that whatever was inside this chest was quite old, probably even older than the chest itself.

James' gaze fell on the contents, and for a few seconds, he just sat there and stared at what was inside, too surprised for words. He let out a loud, unbelieving gasp. "_Jesus_, dad,"


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **Who You Were

**Author: **sera_rocks / Sera

**Rating: **M

**Summary: **After his father's death, James Lucas Scott is forced to go back to Tree Hill and the house he abandoned years ago to search for the will. What he finds goes beyond mere bequeathed possessions as he uncovers the secret past of the father he never knew, and the unforgettable love of two people who were destined to be together.

**A/N: **Hey everyone! Thank you for all the reviews for the last chapter. They were beyond awesome. I wasn't expecting such an amazing response to the first chapter. I hope y'all stick with it. Funny story while writing this chapter; I had a really difficult time writing the dialogue here (you'll see why). It took me like, two hours getting the dialogue and research right. All the famous people mentioned here are real. Dead, but real. Lol. I hope I pulled this off. It really wasn't easy.

Another huge thank you to **Lillie** for going over this and helping me get things straight. Also, to **Stacy**, I love long, obsessive reviews. The longer and more obsessive, the better. ;) I'll be updating Sway as soon as this crazy week of school ends. I just haven't been inspired lately. Happy holidays, everyone! Hope you have a good one. :)

**Chapter 2:**

_Tree Hill, 1935_

The bright sunlight streamed into the bedroom window, casting light first on the floor, which had discarded clothes all over the place, and then slowly to the bed, illuminating the figure of the sleeping seventeen-year-old in the bed. He stirred slightly as he curled deeper under the covers of his bed, trying to ignore the fact that it was already morning.

Suddenly, the door opened and almost instantly, loud jazz music filled the once-quiet bedroom and even in his half-asleep state, he recognized who was singing. It was his mom's favorite singer, Duke Ellington and unfortunately, he was in no mood to hear that voice. "Not him again," he groaned loudly as he pulled the covers over his head, trying to block out the noise.

"Nonsense, Nathan. There is nothing like starting the day with Duke Ellington." His mother, Deb chirped.

Beneath the covers, Nathan could not help but roll his eyes, already annoyed at his mother's fake enthusiasm. Why was she even bothering to pretend she was happy when she really wasn't? How stupid did she think he was, anyway? Nathan knew his mother was miserable with her life, how she hated being the trophy wife of a jerk who was anything but a father and husband to them, how she hated living in this small town, and how there was nothing better than to live in the better parts of New York where the Depression didn't seem to exist and there was nothing but a glamorous life for her there. He heard his parents endlessly fight and scream each other every night, and even worse, he heard his mother sob herself to sleep sometimes.

But Nathan wasn't one to care. He hardly ever cared about anything for that matter. It was all over the news; they were calling it the "Great Depression" now. He saw how many people were starving on the streets every day on his way to school. They relentlessly knocked on the window of their car, begging and Nathan would just coldly look away. A lot of small shops were closed now and there were a lot of his classmates that didn't come to school anymore. He heard the announcer on the radio declaring, "America, once the land of hope and optimism, is now the land of despair." Nathan actually snorted aloud at just the thought. As far as he was concerned, as long as he had food to eat and clothes to wear, he wasn't affected by any of this.

Nathan still felt the overeager presence of his mother still hovering above him and letting out a loud sigh, he threw off the covers and demanded, "Are you leaving or are you just going to stand there?"

"You know what, Nathan; sometimes I wish you'd care about something other than yourself." Deb told him, her voice sounding disappointed.

He wasn't fazed. He looked her straight into the eye as he spoke. "It's not like you're a saint yourself, mom – always whining about how you hate Tree Hill, like you don't give a damn about anything else. No one is stopping you from leaving, anyway. You can just go."

Deb was startled at him but just as quickly as it came, it disappeared. Her once-cheerful face returned to its usual, stoic self as she stood straighter and didn't give another glance at him. "You better come downstairs and have breakfast. You don't want to waste any food, especially during these times."

"I'm not eating breakfast," answered Nathan curtly as he got up out of bed. "It will be like I'll fit right in school."

She gave him a look of disdain and sighed, which he completely ignored. Nathan's back was turned to her when he heard her footsteps fade away and the bedroom door shut behind her. He grabbed the nearest towel and went into the bathroom to shower. For a brief moment, he remembered how there were dozens of people who didn't even have water to drink now, much less to take a bath with. He gave a small shrug and opened the faucet to full blast as he stepped into the shower.

_Who gave a damn, anyway?_

* * *

Nathan walked into the main hallway of Tree Hill High School, expecting the normal bumping and shoving that always occurred there at that time of day. Instead, he felt an unfamiliar cool breeze against his skin and looked around. Most of the people that remained in school were in the upper class of society, those who, like his family, spent money and lived their lives much like any other day. There were a handful of middle-class people left, though.

His gaze fell on a small group of them and he snorted. Back before the Depression hit, that group used to be so large. It was pathetic; groups like that always banded together, like they sought some sort of delusional comfort that they were just as good as the upper class people, no matter their status in society. _Once a loser, always a loser_, he often thought.

As always, his gaze went to one girl in particular. Her back was always turned to him and he never really had the time to really give her a look, so she intrigued him in some way. Unlike a lot of young girls around who wore their hair in short coiffures that, to Nathan looked a bit odd, she wore her brown hair long, letting it fall past her shoulders. She always wore her clothes the same way, a white blouse and long skirt that hung until her ankles, which didn't help much considering she already looked rather petite. It was quite obvious that she didn't care about what was in style or what other people thought, and even with her back always turned to him, she held herself with dignity and pride.

Nathan didn't get to observe her as much as he did now because since he was always late, he was also in a hurry to get to class all the time but now that there were less people around, he could observe her for as long as he wanted. He didn't like the fact that he was so fascinated by someone who wasn't in the same social circle as he was, but there was just something about her he couldn't place.

Before she could even turn around for him to take a look, he heard the familiar voice of his best friend and half-brother, Lucas behind him. "I didn't see you at breakfast today," he said.

"Yeah, I wasn't hungry." He replied, shrugging.

"And yet you still arrive late. I saw Rachel Gatina leaving one of the classrooms with her blouse half-buttoned." Peyton Sawyer, another one of his friends, commented with one of her eyebrows raised.

Nathan sighed, looking bored. "Rachel Gatina always leaves classrooms with her clothes hastily put on. I am not surprised."

"It's how she can afford all her clothes, anyway," giggled Brooke Davis, tossing her dark brown hair as she spoke. She then narrowed her eyes at him. "You really were not in the classroom with her, were you?"

Nathan looked disgusted as he shuddered in reply. "It happened once, it's not going to happen again. She followed me around like a lovesick puppy after. It's not something I want to experience again."

"Hey, what's everyone looking at?" Tim Smith asked brightly as he joined them. He followed their gaze to the table where the middle-class students were sitting. "Why is everyone watching them?"

"We weren't. Nathan was," said Brooke, pointing a thumb to him. She gave them a long look and then turned away, uninterested. "Pretty soon, they'll all be packing up to California."

"Why?" Nathan asked, startled. He wondered where the brown-haired girl was going to stay in once she went there.

"It's where they're all going," Peyton answered, turning around and joining Brooke. "It was all over the radio. I think they could get better jobs there as farmers."

"_Farmers_," snorted Tim. For some reason, he found what Peyton said very amusing, but when no one laughed with him, he fell silent.

Nathan finally found it in himself to tear his gaze away from the brown-haired girl's back and hurried to join his friends. He still could not help but wonder of what was going to become of her once she was gone. He wondered how her family was, and how they were coping. He couldn't explain why he was so worried for her all of a sudden, but he couldn't stop himself from doing it, either.

Lucas' voice interrupted his thoughts again as he remarked quietly, "Walter Winchell's radio broadcast was on again last night. You were mentioned again, right alongside Greta Garbo."

"What, is he saying I'm going out with her now?" Nathan asked sarcastically.

"You went out with Greta Garbo?" Tim repeated in awe, suddenly appearing from out of nowhere.

"I was being sarcastic, Tim," muttered Nathan, already annoyed. He pushed Tim away, who happily skipped away like nothing happened and joined Peyton and Brooke, who were already far ahead of them. He turned to Lucas. "You were saying?"

"Apparently, you left some club with two different women in arm last night. And that was not the first time it happened this week." Lucas continued in a low voice, looking around cautiously.

"Since when do you believe anything that Walter Winchell says?" Nathan asked in an uninterested voice.

"Since dad started listening to him. He's not very pleased with you, Nathan." Lucas warned.

"Dan is never pleased with me, Lucas. I don't even care," he ignored the taken aback look on his brother's face at the way he easily mentioned their father's first name. "There's no point in having money without using it wisely."

"Do you consider spending money on women and alcohol every night wise?"

For some reason, Nathan found himself turning around to look at the brown-haired girl, who was quite a few feet's distance away from him, but her back was still turned to him. Hastily, he faced Lucas again and shrugged his shoulders. "There's nothing better to do around here. Come on, we better get to class."

They spent the rest of the day avoiding the topic but much to Nathan's surprise, he found himself constantly looking for the brown-haired girl in the hallways. He never saw her again for the rest of the day.

_Tree Hill, present time_

James stared into the contents of the chest, still in awe. He couldn't believe it. He stared at the photograph in his hands, completely dumbfounded. It was a picture of his father and his friends. He instantly recognized his Uncle Lucas, because he didn't look any different as James remembered. There were three other people he didn't recognize though; a tall, slender girl who wasn't smiling at all, another girl, shorter this time and curvier with a dimpled smile and lastly, a goofy-looking boy with the stupidest, widest grin James ever saw.

His gaze fell last on his father and with a slight sting, he saw just what people have been telling him all the time; he looked exactly like his father. Especially the eyes – they had the same expressive eyes peering beneath long, thick lashes. If the picture were colored, it would have been just as a deep blue as his. Compared to many of his father's other pictures that James had already seen, Nathan Scott looked different here. He was certainly a lot younger but there was something else. He wasn't smiling, but there was something in his eyes that James couldn't place, like he was actually content … happy somehow. He looked so … normal, like an actual, normal teenager.

James ran his finger over the photograph. Unlike the portrait of his mother downstairs, this one was quite worn, obviously been passed around and fondly kept in wallets and pockets. He turned the photograph around. There, written in his father's familiar scrawl were the words; _Nathan, Luke, Tim, Brooke and Peyton. 1935._

James frowned as he set the photograph on the floor. Why hadn't his father ever mentioned them? If they were such good friends as they looked, he should have at least heard one of their names in passing, but he couldn't remember a time that he ever heard it. What was even stranger was that he had never seen them before. They weren't even in the funeral. Have they perhaps fallen apart over the years? Was that the reason why his father turned out to be so stoic and unfeeling?

James eagerly started to rummage through the chest again. He had a very strong feeling that the answer was in here somewhere and that this day was far from over.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: **Who You Were

**Author: **sera_rocks / Sera

**Rating: **M

**Summary: **After his father's death, James Lucas Scott is forced to go back to Tree Hill and the house he abandoned years ago to search for the will. What he finds goes beyond mere bequeathed possessions as he uncovers the secret past of the father he never knew, and the unforgettable love of two people who were destined to be together.

**A/N: **Hey y'all! Thank you for all the nice reviews. I'm so glad this story has been receiving such positive feedback. It's definitely different from anything I've ever done, but hopefully, different is good. Anyway, funny story; I was reading one of your reviews and I just laughed so much when one of you noticed my little JLs hint in the first chapter. It just amused me so much that someone noticed it. I didn't put it there for nothing, so y'all know who I've always been rooting for. ;) Oh, and someone also asked about why I set NH during the 30's. I was really inspired by the 40's episode and I just wanted to write something set around those times. You'll eventually see another reason why I set their story during those times, but that will come later.

Again, thank you to **Lillie** for helping me out. This story would be nothing without her. I know this story could get confusing in the long run (I get confused myself sometimes), so if any of have any questions, feel free to ask. Oh, and please review! I'd love to know what you think. ;) Three days before Christmas! Happy holidays, guys! :)

* * *

**Chapter 3**

James sat in the middle of the attic, still rummaging through the chest as eagerly as he had been hours ago. He had no idea what time it was, nor did he care anymore. All he knew was that time was irrelevant now. The more he went through the things inside, the more he wanted to know and the more he wanted to find. The problem was, the more he searched for answers, the more questions he had.

Around him, settled in a circle, were different photographs. Each one varied with where it was taken, who was in the frame and more importantly, when it was taken. He looked around the photographs, his eyes darting from one to the next. His brows furrowed as he realized that there seemed to be a huge time gap in between several of the pictures. There were pictures of his father looking quite young, to much older, to something between. The locations were also confusing. He hardly seemed to be in one place more than once. The pictures were so old and worn that it was difficult trying to distinguish where he was without making several guesses all at once.

James tore his gaze from the photographs and decided to go through them again later, maybe when he, hopefully, had more answers. He turned back to the open chest and peered inside. Aside from pictures, there were a lot of things in there – many of them not making any sense as to why his father would keep it. There was one thing in particular that confused him as he picked it up and stared at it lying flat on his palms.

It was a black notebook, roughly about the same size as his hand. The corners and top portions of the notebook were molding and the pages were a dull yellow with age. James gingerly opened it and was surprised to find the first few pages to be completely empty except for the bottom right corner of the first page; it had his father's name scrawled on it but aside from that, there was nothing else. James flipped through pages gently, afraid that the old notebook would fall apart in his hands.

Deciding that there was nothing much to see there, he was just about to put it down on the floor with the other things James had dismissed as merely ordinary when he saw a tiny corner of one page of the notebook folded in such a way that it overlapped beyond the page. It was so small that if James hadn't stared at the notebook for as long as he did, he probably would have not noticed it. He picked it up and immediately opened it to where the fold was.

James' eyes widened as he softly murmured, "_Whoa_,"

_Tree Hill, 1935_

It had officially been two weeks and three four days since Nathan saw that brown-haired girl. Nathan felt stupid counting down every single day he hadn't seen her, but he couldn't help it. He was so used to catching glimpses of her every day, sometimes even more than once a day. He never got more than a quick glance at her but just to see her tiny figure walking down the halls, or the peculiarly plain and long brown hair of hers … it was enough somehow. The more he didn't see her, the more he silently worried about her.

Was she already in California? Was she alone? Was she with her family? How was she getting along? These, among so many other questions, constantly ran through Nathan's mind and with each day that passed, he had a new question. What was she doing right now? What did she have for breakfast, if she did have one?

Nathan was pretty sure he was going insane. There was no plausible explanation as to why he was acting the way he was, always concerned and thinking about some girl. But she wasn't just "some girl" to Nathan – she was something else entirely. There was just something about her that Nathan could not let go of. She represented everything Nathan wanted; the way she did her own thing without caring about what other people thought, the way she could carry herself with such pride and dignity like she was just as good as Nathan and his friends, and the way she seemed so … complete. Content.

Nathan realized with such shame that even if he was, technically, more fortunate than many especially during these hard times, he was never content. He was never really happy, and this girl – whoever she was – who probably didn't even have half of what Nathan had, didn't mind at all. She was content and perfectly fine.

_Not anymore_, he thought to himself rather bitterly. She was anything but fine now. She was probably somewhere in California, tilling soil or carrying heavy sacks of food somewhere really far, working so hard just to have something to eat. Nathan knew this because it was all over the radio, at least it was how he pictured it to be, anyway. They really didn't describe it in detail, figuring that people knew enough tragedy already. The news just got more and more depressing lately and even Nathan could no longer ignore this, now that this girl was one of them. He actually _felt_ for these people now. He wanted them to have a better life. He remembered how shocked Tim had been the other day when Nathan gave spare change to a beggar, and even wished him good luck.

Tim had declared Nathan crazy, and he most probably was. He never saw himself this way, not in a million years. How could one girl he had never spoken a word to, much less actually seen, have this much effect on him? Nathan regretted not even trying to make friends with her when he had the time. He felt like he had lost a lot not talking to her.

Nathan had been so deep in thought that he didn't realize his friends were talking to him until Lucas suddenly nudged his side. "What?"

"You've been out of touch so much for the past few days. Are you feeling well?" Lucas asked him, looking concerned.

Nathan looked around and realized that they were in the hallway, walking to their next class. He sighed, running his fingers through his dark hair and tried to look as tired as he possibly could. "I've been having trouble sleeping."

It _was_ sort of true. Nathan wasn't entirely lying to them. For the past days, he had been having such a hard time getting sleep but it wasn't just for that reason that he had been acting strangely. Nathan wasn't going to admit it to anyone, not even to Lucas whom he trusted completely. He decided to keep things to himself for awhile; at least until he had some sort of concrete idea to what was happening to him. He inwardly groaned when he saw the skeptic look on his brother's face. Nathan eyed him, telling him to drop the topic before any of their other friends caught on.

"I got a D on that last test," announced Tim loudly as he got out of the classroom, joining them. "What did you get?"

"Don't bother asking Lucas what he got. We all know how _brilliant_ he is," remarked Peyton, waving her hands in the air in mock awe. She sighed when she glanced down at the paper in her hand. "I didn't do as well as I should have."

"Neither did I," admitted Brooke rather bitterly as she hid the paper deep into the recesses of her bag. For the first time since they've been friends, Nathan saw how worried Brooke was. As far he was concerned, Brooke didn't care about anything else but partying, boys and clothes. But there she was now – actually caring about something. Had he really been so ignorant before?

"What did you get, Nate?" Tim asked Nathan eagerly, trying to catch a glimpse at the paper Nathan was holding in his hand.

Nathan noticed and hurriedly shoved it into his bag, crumpling it as he did. He tried to shrug it off. "I've had worse."

"You've hard worse than an F?" Lucas asked him in an undertone.

"It's none of your business," replied Nathan with tightly gritted teeth. He looked back at his friends. "It's not like I'm going to need to get an A in that class, anyway. I just need to pass and it won't even make much of a difference when I get older."

"So you _are_ going to get a job?" Peyton teased him.

Before Nathan could snap back with a retort, at the very corner of his eye, he noticed something. It was _her_ – that girl he had tirelessly been looking for. She was actually there, her back turned him but he was so sure it was her. Her hair was longer now, a stark contrast to everyone else's hair and she was wearing the same clothes the last time he had seen her. God, he had never felt this relieved for anything or for anyone but it was there, making his heart swell so much at the sudden rush of emotion of it that he couldn't stop a small smile appear on his face.

She was turning now, actually turning to face him and right now, Nathan did not even care if she didn't meet even half of his expectations. He forgot all about his friends who were probably staring at him by now as he anxiously waited for her to turn. She finally did and Nathan was not disappointed. She was beautiful. She was nowhere near his type and nowhere near glamorous but she was – by herself, without even trying so hard – beautiful.

She was approaching them now and with each step she took towards them, Nathan could feel his heart swell even more. Much to his surprise, she must have felt his gaze on her because she actually looked up at him with a pair of the most captivating doe eyes he had ever seen, light brown in shade and full of shock and wonder to be catching him staring at her. For a moment, she stopped in her tracks and looked back at him, the expression on her face not changing one bit.

To Nathan's disappointment, she quickly tore her gaze away and after giving Peyton a small smile, she walked away. Nathan watched her for a few seconds, still full of relief she was alright and that she looked okay. He hadn't expected her to look that way. Sure, he knew she wouldn't look movie-star stunning, but she had taken his breath away. There was a strength and conviction in her and he could clearly see that she had been through so much but she was there now … she was fine. She handled it.

Nathan quickly turned to Peyton and was shocked at how desperate he sounded when he asked her, "Who is she?"

"I don't know. We have one class together," answered Peyton with a casual shrug. She then narrowed her eyes at him. "Why?"

When Nathan didn't answer immediately, she let out an agitated sigh. "Oh no, Nathan … please don't tell me you like her."

"You _like_ her?" Brooke repeated, her eyes widening.

"I don't like her!" Nathan said defensively but no one seemed to believe him. Everyone gazed back at him with a look of hesitation. Nathan racked his brain for something … anything that sounded as a plausible excuse but he couldn't. They took his lack of defense as the answer.

"You like her!" Tim proclaimed.

"Could we just not talk about this … please?" Nathan pleaded. He wasn't even sure of what he was feeling right now and he didn't need anyone else making any more assumptions. "We'll talk later, okay?"

"I can't believe you like her." Brooke said, shaking her head in disbelief. "She's the one you've been looking around this hallway for, isn't she?"

Lucas took his brother's silence as a sign of something to be worried about. "Nathan, what are you planning to do?"

"Nothing," he replied. "I mean it … nothing. She's just pretty, that's all."

"She's not your type."

"Maybe I've changed my type."

And with that, Nathan broke off into a brisker pace as he walked further away from them. He was in no mood to talk about something as utterly ridiculous as his feelings and he was confused enough already. He heard footsteps following him and thought it was Lucas but when it turned out to be Peyton, he turned to her and asked, "Is it so wrong to like someone like her?"

"She's a nice girl, Nathan and let's be honest, you don't have the cleanest record when it comes to relationships. Don't go taking advantage of her."

"You honestly think I will?"

Peyton looked him straight in the eye. "You stay away from her, Nathan. I mean it. She doesn't deserve to get her heart broken. She's been through enough."

All Nathan could do was nod. Peyton was right. He could hurt this girl in the long run, and even if he didn't want to, he'll end up doing it anyway. He always ended up hurting people he cared about and this girl, whoever she was, didn't need that kind of drama in her life. She didn't deserve someone like him.

_Tree Hill, present time_

James traced the edge of the page with his finger, his mind still trying to take it all in. In the middle of the page was a pressed flower. It was entirely brown now but there were still traces of color there – a very light shade of purple that he could probably only see because the light above him was so bright.

He remembered the yard outside and how his mother always gave special attention to one part of it – the one where it had purple wildflowers growing. Sometimes, she would sit outside and just tend to them and every time James walked through the door, there was a vase full of purple flowers. There was never a time that it was empty or that it had a different kind of flower in it. She loved those flowers – her face would suddenly light up whenever she saw them, as if she was reliving a particularly fond memory.

And to pique James' interest even more, beneath the pressed flower was his mother's familiar handwriting; _Haley James_. Not Haley James Scott, but Haley _James_. This was obviously before his parents were married. But when was this? And more importantly, why?


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: **Who You Were

**Author: **sera_rocks / Sera

**Rating: **M

**Summary: **After his father's death, James Lucas Scott is forced to go back to Tree Hill and the house he abandoned years ago to search for the will. What he finds goes beyond mere bequeathed possessions as he uncovers the secret past of the father he never knew, and the unforgettable love of two people who were destined to be together.

**A/N: **Hey everyone! I hope you all had a fantastic holiday. I know I did, but school is starting for me tomorrow, and I have so much work due, it's crazy. Plus, my exams are coming up so I'm going to concentrate on those for awhile, alright? I know I promised an update for Sway, and I'm sorry. I had it all written and planned out but I wasn't happy with it. I don't want to post something I'm not completely satisfied with, so there. Anyway, there is your heads up; no updates for two weeks at least, okay? School is school and it is numero uno priority right now. :)

Again, much thanks to those who reviewed and continue to support this story. I am so excited for it. I know it's a lot different from anything I've done and it's a big risk making Nathan a not-so-good father, but I am so happy that you all are sticking with it and continue to trust that I am not going to make Nathan an ass. Lol. I post this chapter without **Lillie** looking over it (so if there are typos and things of that sort, it's totally her fault. Lol. Kidding! Love you, Lillie!), so if you guys have any constructive criticism, please don't hesitate to tell me. Of course, reviews would be lovely, too. ;)

Please tell me what you think, and see you in two weeks! (hopefully)

**Chapter 4:**

_Tree Hill, 1935_

It was graduation night, and much like any other senior in Tree Hill High School there, it was the last night to party with friends, freely with no thought of responsibility. As far as they were concerned, this was their last night of careless freedom before they reluctantly and – much to their dismay – forcibly went out into the real world. Tonight was supposed to be a night to be remembered.

Nathan, on the other hand, just couldn't wait for it to be over. It was bad enough that his parents were so surprised he managed to graduate. They had no idea how hard he worked the later part of the year, how many nights he hadn't slept just trying to pull up his grades.

He found out awhile ago that the girl whose name he still did not know was in the honor roll, and valedictorian at that. Nathan wished he and his family had arrived earlier to actually hear the announcement, and Tim was too stupid to take note of it. Nathan wished he applied himself more in high school, maybe studied more instead of slacking off. He could've met her, known more than her name. She was clearly an intelligent girl. He could have known so much, done so much, made his parents proud. This girl would make any parent in the world proud – even Dan.

He tried asking around for information about, but it was too difficult. Nobody knew much about her except that she mostly kept to herself and the only person who could give him what he needed to know was Peyton, and he had sworn to stay away, which he was proud enough to proclaim that he managed to do. He had been so caught up with school that he didn't really look for her now, but he still thought about her sometimes, for a few brief seconds – not in a creepy, stalker way. It was more of … he wondered how she was, how she would do it if she were him. He didn't know if he really liked her or he was just intrigued by her. Either way, it confused the hell out of him.

"Nathan! Where are you going?"

Nathan gave an inward, frustrated sigh. He was hoping to leave unnoticed.

He spun around to see Lucas and pointing his thumb to the gate, explained, "I just need some air."

Lucas raised his brows at him. "What is going on?"

"Why do you always assume something is going on? Can't I just leave a party without it being made into something it's not?" Nathan asked irritably. He sighed again, this time louder and more frustrated so Lucas would notice. "I'm just tired of this. I think I'll walk home or something."

"This is our last party, Nate – the last time we could be with out friends."

"Maybe _your_ friends Luke, but not mine," said Nathan coldly. It was true; hardly any of those people in there mattered to him. Sure, he saw these people every day and he talked to some of them once in awhile, but who were they? Just nameless, faceless people he acknowledged from time to time. None of them made an effort to curb the rumors about him – maybe spread them more, but never curb. None of them made an actual effort to be his friend. Maybe they admired him, revered him, respected him at some point, he didn't know. But those people in there were nothing to Nathan and he didn't care if he wouldn't ever see them again.

"But what about us – _your_ friends, then? Remember them? Jake, Peyton and Brooke …"

"Jesus Christ, Lucas! You're acting like I won't see you people tomorrow! Why are you overreacting?"

Lucas merely shook his head at him. "This is not like you."

"You don't really know me then, do you?" And without another word, Nathan walked away, shutting the door behind him.

Admittedly, Nathan felt guilty about leaving but the truth was, he was simply tired of it all. Graduation night or not, it was still just another party and he had been to many of those. Tonight's party did not make much of a difference.

As he stepped out of the gate and away from the crowded backyard, he noticed a deserted and rather shady clearing that led to a small lakeside. Nathan settled himself onto the grass and as he did, he could not help but breathe a sigh of relief. It was a change, to be away from the crowd for once instead of being in the center of it. He reveled in the momentary silence as he stared into the distance.

Suddenly, he heard a voice behind him. It was quite unfamiliar, but all the while, comforting somehow. It was so quiet and tentative that Nathan had to strain his ears just to hear.

"Can I sit?"

He quietly groaned as his mind raced to think of a nice way to say no – maybe a good, plausible excuse why not, something that wasn't too insulting. It was probably, as Tim nicely put it, one of Nathan's "fan girls" and truthfully, he would give anything to avoid them now. The sex was good, sometimes great, but it got boring after some time. And they were hopelessly clingy and needy, always wanting any form of attention Nathan could give, which was the last thing he wanted to give. Sex was just sex. Anything beyond that was a waste of time. Nathan wasn't stupid. He saw how relationships, no matter how perfect it seemed in the beginning, would simply die and end up hurting people. His parents were perfect examples.

He was probably quiet for some time because she then pleaded, "Please? I just don't want to be in there and this is probably the best place to stay away. You don't even have to talk to me."

Nathan was surprised. This girl, whoever she was, was definitely not one of his so-called fan girls. For one thing, she wanted to leave, too. He couldn't think of one girl who chased after him that did not like parties, especially ones that people would be relentlessly talking about for weeks to come. And for another thing, she wasn't there to flirt with him, much less talk to him. She just needed somewhere to go. Who the hell was this girl?

Nathan turned to look and when he got his answer, he nearly slipped off the spot he was sitting on. It was that girl he had sworn to stay away from – and she was here now, with him. He had religiously kept his promise of staying away, but he sure as hell wasn't going to do that now.

God, she was beautiful, even in that dim light. There was an innocence about her that he couldn't place, but at the same time, she was something else entirely. She had no idea how captivating she was to him. Her brown hair was styled its usual way; long and down her shoulders. She wore the same shabby set of clothes of a white blouse and a long skirt, but this time, she had a shawl wrapped around her shoulders to protect herself from the cold. Nathan had the crazy impulse to slip his jacket off and offer it to her. Just the thought of her wearing it made him smile slightly, which she took as a sign that it was alright to sit.

She joined him on the grass, sitting Indian-style. Nathan liked how she was at ease immediately, that she didn't feel nervous around him despite all the things she must have heard about him. What person in that school did not know of the things people said about him?

As soon as she sat down, she breathed a soft sigh of relief. She must have felt his gaze on her because she lifted her head to look at him. Her brown doe eyes were mesmerizing and they shone with sincere warmth. Nathan had never seen kinder eyes than hers.

She looked sheepish as she tried to explain. "I was forcibly dragged to that party by a friend. She abandoned me and I just had nowhere to go. So, here I am."

_Remind me to thank her later_, Nathan thought wryly. He shrugged at her. "Welcome to the club."

She bit her lip, tearing her gaze away. She stared at the grass for some time before asking, "Shouldn't you be in there?"

"Should I?"

"Well, you _are_ Nathan Scott. That party is sort of like your kind of event or something. At least that's what I hear people say, anyway." She added the last sentence quickly, almost afraid he would get insulted.

Nathan was intrigued. "Do you believe what people say about me?"

She turned to him, looking straight into his eyes. "I try not to make judgments based on other people's observations."

"Well, just so you know … hardly any of those stories they say are true, anyway."

She nodded repeatedly a few times, as if carefully considering what he said. "People gossip for a reason."

He raised a brow at her. Instead of being annoyed at her like he usually would be, he liked how she challenged him, how she wasn't afraid to speak her mind. It was such a nice contrast from the simpering girls who had nothing to say and just giggled at every sentence that came out of his mouth. "Did you ever think that maybe they just need a story to tell?"

"Maybe that story is true."

"Half-true?" He offered, smiling a bit and he had to quickly stop himself from grinning broadly when she returned the smile. It was timid, but it was there and it meant progress. When she didn't say anything but had a rather stubborn look on her face, he added, "Okay, I have an idea. Why don't you just give me a series of the things you've heard about me, and I'll tell you if it's true or not?"

She surveyed him, her eyes wary. After a few moments of studying him, she asked cautiously, "How do I know that what you're telling me is true?"

"You're just going to have to trust me," he chuckled at the apprehensive look on her face. "Come on, what do you have to lose? At the end of this conversation, it's still up to you if you believe me or not."

"I guess you're right about that." She finally agreed and turned to face him completely. "Okay, um ... there was a rumor that you and Lucas are half-brothers, and you have the same dad but different moms. Is that true?"

Nathan answered yes almost immediately, which she looked surprised at. "Why is that so shocking?"

"It's not. I mean, I always thought it was true but for you to be so at ease with it –"

"It's not really a secret," he shrugged. "My dad never acknowledged Lucas' presence even if we already knew it. But when Lucas' mom, Karen died, I guess he sort of felt obliged to treat him a little better. He's been living with us since middle school, and he's a good guy – a bit meddling and irritating sometimes, but that's just how he is. He's kind of my best friend."

"Kind of?"

"I don't really like to shout it to the heavens."

She actually smiled at him and Nathan wasn't disappointed. He liked how her whole face, especially her eyes lit up. She wasn't even trying to make him like her, but he was definitely starting to. When she saw that he was expecting another question, she then asked, "People said you got into some fight with some people in a club, and that you were supposed to be arrested but your dad paid the police not to arrest you and to keep quiet about it. Is that true?"

Nathan grinned at her. "The fight is true. Everything else is not. I had to be escorted out and that was it. Needless to say, I'm not allowed to step into that club again."

"Why have a fight in the first place?"

"Truth be told, I don't know. It's just one of those idiotic things men do – get drunk, see someone you don't like for one reason or another and you beat them up. It's an ego trip and sometimes, it gets too far. Usually, the other guy is too drunk to put up a fight but on that one, he wasn't so …" He trailed off. He wondered how she would take it but she seemed to be unfazed. Pleased, he motioned for her to continue.

"They said you paid off your teachers just so you could graduate. Is that –"

"No, it's not," his voice was suddenly cold and bitter which probably threw her off because her calm veneer was gone. She had gone from leaning towards him to moving away so there was an obvious awkward distance between them. Nathan was quick to apologize. "I'm sorry. I think I scared you or something. It's just – I worked really hard to get my grades up to pass. I don't like it that people think that just because I'm well-to-do and I don't have the cleanest record when it comes to school, I pay off everything. It's kind of …"

"Insulting," she finished, nodding in understanding. She had returned to leaning towards him. "I know what you mean. I'm glad you worked hard to graduate, Nathan. I'm glad you worked hard to get what you want."

Her eyes were sincere and honest and Nathan appreciated that about her. He smiled gratefully at her, which she returned with no hesitation. "Anything else?"

It was then that she shyly looked away, a light pink tinge filling her cheeks in the most charming way. He was entranced. "Well – I'm kind of at a loss right now because there are other things people say, and they're … um, to put it mildly – a bit lewd."

"You don't have to ask me anything you're not comfortable with," he promised her, looking straight at her as he did. When she didn't ask anything, he then said, "Well, what's my evaluation then? Did I pass the Nathan-Scott-is-actually-a-decent-person test or what?"

She laughed, which made Nathan's stomach suddenly swoop. He liked everything about her. He really did. He had a feeling he would like her even more, given the chance. He wanted that chance. He would give anything and everything to get that chance.

"Surprisingly, yes," she answered, with a full-on smile that reached her eyes. "I'm really glad you let me sit with you."

"I'm really glad you decided to sit here with me," he replied truthfully. He then leaned towards her. "We've been talking for awhile now, but I still don't know a thing about you."

"What do you need to know?"

"Your name would be a nice start."

"Haley," she told him rather shyly. _Haley_. He liked it. He could get used to saying that name over and over again. Nathan could no longer resist and finally did what he had been dying to do since they started talking; he smirked at her.

And, even if she was the most unique, most different, most amazing girl he had ever met and had a conversation with, there was one thing that tied her to every girl who had flirted with him, and Nathan wasn't even disappointed about it. Who was he kidding? He was thrilled about it.

She had blushed.

_Tree Hill, present time_

James was exhausted. He had no idea what time it was and his entire body was aching from being in one position for so long, but his curiosity was getting the better of him. He had so many unanswered questions about his father. It was like he was finally getting to know him for the first time, and the feeling was overwhelming. It was like completely reverting from his beliefs and being forced to see that his dad was human – and that maybe, he was a good person. There was a reason why his mother fell in love him … a reason why she had stayed all those years, even if James never understood why.

He reached into the chest and felt something smooth and soft in his hands. He pulled it out and revealed it to be a deep blue silk scarf. He ran his fingers over the material, marveling at how it was kept in such a good condition, like it was still new. James noticed the end of the scarf and how, embroidered there were the small letters of his mother's initials – _before_ she was married.

James neatly folded the scarf and carefully placed it on the floor, as if it was the most fragile thing and that it could fall apart at the softest touch. He now had so many items surrounding him, but none of them were answering his questions. If anything, they only added to it.

When was he going to get any answers?


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: **Who You Were

**Author: **sera_rocks / Sera

**Rating: **M

**Summary: **After his father's death, James Lucas Scott is forced to go back to Tree Hill and the house he abandoned years ago to search for the will. What he finds goes beyond mere bequeathed possessions as he uncovers the secret past of the father he never knew, and the unforgettable love of two people who were destined to be together.

**A/N: **Whoot! I am so proud of myself. I told you guys I'd be back in two weeks and I am here early! Thank you, sudden school holidays! Lol. First things first, a big, huge thank you again to **Lillie** for going through this chapter and keeping my grammar and sanity in check. Couldn't have done this without you! Hugs.

Now, I know y'all are impatient for answers right now, but I can't give them all to you just yet. That wouldn't be much fun now, would it? *grins* But, good news though! There _are _some answers in here, big ones in fact. But they probably come with more questions (sorry about that). Anyway, there are revelations in here, so if you have any questions, feel free to ask. Also, please read of the other author's note at the end of this chapter. It is going to clarify some things I was afraid people are going to ask.

**Disclaimer:** Lillie said I should have a disclaimer, so here goes. This disclaimer applies for all the chapters in this story. I don't own anything related to One Tree Hill but this story. I wish I owned James Lafferty though. :)

**Chapter 5:**

When James was a little boy of around four or five, he remembered waking up in the middle of the night to hearing his parents arguing downstairs. Their house was quite spacious and so even if one talked in the most normal way possible, it reverberated all throughout the house like an echo.

And that was just what it was to James; a never-ending echo, because it was all he heard that night. He had never heard his parents argue that way. Maybe they had some of those petty arguments but they never lasted longer than a few minutes, and usually ended with some sort of compromise. It seemed like neither of his parents wanted to compromise this time. They were not shouting, or throwing all sorts of objects but the tension was so palpable that James could even feel it when he was upstairs in his room; like he too could feel the long weeks of trying to hold your emotions in and they were just ready to overflow any second now.

That night, James crept under his blanket and gripping his knees tightly against his chest, he prayed over and over that he would go deaf, even for just that one night. He prayed his parents would stop arguing. He prayed everything would be okay. James had never prayed this hard all his life and right at that moment, with his chin tucked behind his folded knees, he promised he would be a better son – that he was going to find a way to make his family happy again.

But it was no use; he could still hear them, feel their anger and their pain.

"_Do you honestly think that you being away for weeks is helping this family?"_

"_Seeing as it puts food on the table, then yes, I suppose it does."_

"_Tell me Nathan; have you seen your son lately? Have you talked to him, held him close, and carried him on your lap? Listened to him talk about his day? Have you done any of those things even once ever since you arrived? Or have your forgotten that you have a son?"_

"_I did not forget him, Haley –"_

"_Oh, so you just ignored him then. Really, Nathan! You could forget about me all you want but don't you dare forget Jamie. He looks up to you! All he's done for weeks is look forward to playing some basketball with his father and you have done nothing remotely close to that! Forget you are a husband to me, but don't dare forget you are a father to my son."_

James did not have much memories of his younger years, but it was that night that he remembered as vividly as an event that occurred earlier that day. He could not sleep for the next few days, as it was all he heard, even if they did not argue anymore.

He recalled going downstairs early the next morning, expecting nothing special and was surprised when his father was seated on the foot of the stairs, apparently waiting for him. As soon as James got down, his father swept him up in his arms and suggested that they go play basketball in the basketball court a few blocks away from their house.

That day, James got to spend the entire day with his father. They not only played basketball all day, but also went for ice cream and he was even able to convince his dad to get him two scoops and not tell his mom. They even went to watch a movie in the cinema and buy new toys. James had never gotten so many toys in one day, even on his birthday. He thought things couldn't get any better.

He was right, because right after that day, his dad was gone. Again.

It wasn't that Nathan was a bad father. He just – wasn't around. James had lost count of how many basketball games he had that his father missed, how many school events he didn't attend, how many camping trips he had been promised but never given. He wasn't going to lie; it hurt him terribly to have his father absent all the time. It was difficult growing up not having a father figure to look up on. At one point, James even hated his dad so much for missing one of those Family Day picnics in school that he flatly refused to talk to him on the phone.

But James understood why his father was gone all the time. Nathan Scott had two jobs; one was managing that car dealership business his grandfather started long ago, and the other was being a basketball player. James was extremely proud of his father and he swelled with pride when his friends congratulated him for his dad's recent win in a game. He loved cheering his dad on and getting to go to the locker room when he and his mom would watch games live. He loved it even more when he would hear his classmates talk animatedly of the game, wowed by Nathan Scott's basketball skills. But it came to a point that Nathan was hardly home even during off-season, and even if he were, he was so preoccupied with other things that it was like he wasn't home in the first place.

As James grew older, he began to care less and less. Even when his father didn't have basketball and he was home every day now, it was James now who was out the door in a flash every single morning. He was growing older, had school, basketball on the side and a lot of friends. He was even dating now. The way he saw it, the more reasons he had to stay away, the better.

Of course, Nathan had begun to try to make up for the lost time, often inviting James to go out with him, watch a movie, play basketball, but somehow, he always came up with a plausible excuse to say no. When James was old enough to leave home, he immediately did but maintained contact with his mom.

Looking back now, there was no mistaking the regret James had for not giving his father a chance. He grimaced guiltily when he remembered the awful pain in his father's face every time James declined an offer to spend time with him. Back then, it had been so easy to turn away, so easy to bury the guilt but now, it rose up within him so strongly that James was shaking as he tried to stop himself from crying.

With trembling hands, he put down the stack of letters he was holding. There was so much he didn't get to say, so much he didn't know and little by little, he was discovering the truth. And whoever said it was right; the truth _did_ hurt. It hurt like hell.

_Dear Nathan,_

_I'm stationed somewhere in Northern Ireland now. I pictured how the war would be a few days before I was recruited, but it was nothing compared to how it is now that I am here. Even if it is complete silence at night, all I hear are those endless gunshots and the pitiful cries of the innocent. It never goes away, those sounds. Ireland would be a good place to go to for vacation someday. Yes, I believe that this war will be over soon. I guess some part of me does, anyway, mostly because I miss home. I never did envision life after college to be something like this. Perhaps, settle down with Brooke, have kids and continue dad's business or something. I know, you are probably wincing as you read this. You were never the family type, Nathan. But who am I to say who or what you are? You've surprised me over the years. You still continue to._

_I hope to see you soon. I hope to see everyone soon._

_Sincerely,_

_Lucas_

_Dear Nathan,_

_I'm writing this in my ratty old tent which is pitched over some really jagged rocks in the middle of the night, so I'm sorry if you can't decipher some of the words. I lost your last letter while we were crossing a river. I think it fell out of my pocket or something. I lost a lot of things in that river, but none as important as that letter. You'd probably say that it's just a piece of paper, and it probably is. It's a beacon of hope to many of us here. The only thing we look forward to now is letters from family and friends, and it is lucky that they even arrive._

_We crossed some border a few hours ago; I have no idea where we are now. Remember that guy I told you about – Marvin? The guy everyone calls Mouth? He died a few days ago … shot in the head. I saw it with my own eyes, Nathan. I see things like that every day but nothing pained me more than to watch my friend die. It's the most horrible thing to experience. I hope that never happens to you._

_This war seems much longer than I'd hoped. I'd love to see Brooke soon, and everyone back home._

_Lucas_

_Dear Nathan,_

_I don't know if you'll receive this. Most of the other guys here don't receive letters anymore. It's either the letters don't get sent, or they don't arrive. I can't write too much; the general says the letters could be intercepted. I'm taking this war one day at a time, and each day I think that it's one day closer to coming home. Take care, Nate._

_Luke_

Beneath those few letters was a long envelope, yellowed with age. On the outside, James saw the words _Nathan Scott – Urgent_ neatly typewritten across the envelope. The opening was jagged and torn, as if it was hastily and rather roughly opened. It was a letter, also typewritten. It was dated July 1941. James meant to read the letter from the very beginning but as soon as his gaze fell on one line somewhere in the middle, all the other words started to blur and he didn't even bother reading the whole thing. He already knew what it meant.

"…_you are being recruited into the US Army…"_

_Noumea, New Caledonia, 1942_

The sky was beginning to darken as US troops headed into their tents to get ready for that night's big event. Word had been spreading that there was some sort of visitor who was coming to their base later tonight, and apparently, it must have been someone big and famous because the entire camp was practically buzzing with excitement at the news. No one knew who it was, but just the thought of someone famous coming to them, the thought that somebody still cared … it was more than enough. One could not blame them. They had not been excited for anything in almost a year.

Nathan was one of the very few he did not care. He had lost his ability to give a damn about anything months ago. He had seen too much – done too much to still think that he was worth being cared about, being remembered by someone. As far as Nathan was concerned, he did not deserve anyone's pity or help. When he had heard about the then-impending war, he was fresh out of college, full of ideas and opinions about the government and the world that when he looked back at now, did not matter and were not at all realistic. He had thought it was nothing, thought it wouldn't last long, thought it wouldn't even happen.

If he were given the choice, he would have declined being recruited. Nathan didn't want anything to do with the war. And now, here he was, condoning it. Sure, he was fighting for his country, but really? Did it matter whose side he was on? He was still holding a gun, still murdering innocent people and ruining lives. There was no "good side" or "bad side", no right or wrong. God, he remembered the first time he had held a gun. He could carry it alright, but he was still shaking. He could _kill_ someone with that thing. And kill someone he did.

Nathan still had nightmares about it. He could still see the face of the man he had killed just because his superior told him to, hear the scream before Nathan squeezed the trigger, and the blast that emitted from his gun, sending him reeling backwards at the sudden force. That man – no matter his nationality, no matter whose side he was on – had a family somewhere, a family that cared for him and prayed for his safe return and because of Nathan, that family would never see him again.

To most of the people here, the number of people you killed was considered bragging rights. The higher the number, the better. He could hear them late at night, talking about it so easily as if they were comparing numbers they bet in the lottery. Nathan was disgusted.

Sometimes, to block their voices, Nathan would take out the letters Lucas sent him and read them, and his mind would eventually drift off to memories of days when everything seemed easier, days he took for granted and wished he enjoyed more. Lucas was on the other side of the world, experiencing was Nathan was experiencing, and every day came with the constant fear that Lucas' letter would never arrive.

"They're gathering at that stage set up down the hill," a voice announced behind him. Nathan turned around and saw one of those soldiers who stayed in a tent a few feet away from Nathan's. Much like him, this person was usually alone. "You coming?"

"Do we have to?" Nathan asked in rather pained voice.

The soldier grinned a bit, his smile not reaching his eyes. "Yeah. Common courtesy for our guest or something like that," he shrugged. "Better than to do nothing, I guess."

Nathan nodded and said nothing.

The soldier's gaze fell on Lucas' stack of letters that Nathan was still holding in his hand and asked, "You got a girl back home?"

He looked up and made a face with disgust as he folded the letters and dug them deep into his pocket. "Letters from my brother,"

"He's in the war, too?"

"Yeah, he's stationed somewhere in Europe."

The pair began to walk down the hill and were joined by other soldiers, who were deep in conversation and practically grinning from ear to ear in anticipation.

"Must be tough having a relative in this war," commented the soldier. "I got a couple of friends stationed in different places. Haven't heard from them in a while,"

Nathan noticed the forced casualty in the soldier's voice but said nothing about it. He decided to change the topic. "You got a girl back home?"

The soldier shook his head. "Nah, she broke up with me as soon as she found out I got recruited. Didn't want to deal with the heartbreak if I didn't come home or something," he had the forced casualty in his voice again. "Guess she has a point. Going home is looking pretty bleak right now."

Nathan nodded. "Where are you from?"

"New York. You?"

"Tree Hill," when he noticed the puzzled look on the soldier's face, he quickly added, "It's in North Carolina."

"Small town," he mused. "Pretty girls must be tough to find there."

"There's a lot of pretty, not enough decent," replied Nathan, remembering Haley. His heart ached, twisting painfully. He wondered where she was now and more importantly, how she was. He never heard from her again after that graduation party. It was a long story Nathan no longer wanted to remember but the thought of her still remained. She was still in his thoughts as often as she was before. When he saw the skeptical look on the soldier's face, he dug into his other pocket, took out the picture of him and his friends in high school and showed it to him.

His brown eyes widened. "You still in contact with her?"

Nathan glanced at who he was pointing at. "Who, Peyton? Not as often as before."

"She's beautiful," he said quietly, still staring intently at the photograph. "Tell her my name's Jake Jagielski and I want to marry her as soon as I get home."

For the first time in almost a year, Nathan grinned widely, and the feeling of it was so unfamiliar that his cheeks ached, but it was a pleasant kind of ache somehow. "I'll be sure to tell her that."

Reluctantly, the soldier named Jake returned the photograph. "What was your name again?"

"I didn't say it. My name's Nathan Scott," he answered, extending his hand to Jake. "I never thought I'd find a friend in this hell."

"Neither did I," admitted Jake, looking around. "The people here – it's like they _want_ to be here, fighting this war. I can't wait to get home."

Nathan grinned again, this time bigger. "So you can marry Peyton?"

"Her name's just as beautiful as she is."

"She's a good person. We went to high school together."

"Wish I went to that school," said Jake rather gloomily. "I couldn't wait to graduate from my school. Not the best four years of my life, that's for sure."

"Things were a lot easier back then, though." Nathan remarked.

"Yeah, there's that, too."

They finally reached the bottom of the hill. The wide, open space in front of the crudely-made stage was dotted with a couple of people so Jake and Nathan were able to stand near the stage. Behind them, the crowd slowly followed and the space was beginning to fill up. Suddenly, this "visit" from whoever didn't seem like a bad idea. It was a nice change from the monotony of it all.

Nathan turned to Jake, who was watching the crowd. "So do you have an idea of who's coming here tonight?"

Jake frowned. "You don't know?"

"I don't really pay attention. Up until awhile ago, I had no intention of even coming here."

He shrugged. "They say she's some famous singer back home. Her name's Haley James."

* * *

**A/N: **I admit that this story is very different. It diverts away from the typical NH storylines, and especially from the NJ storylines. I'm really concerned about how the readers (yes, that's you) are going to react with the kind of relationship Nathan and Jamie have. I want to make this story as realistic as possible. I want to emphasize that not all relationships are perfect, and not all have the happy past many want. This was the main reason why I made Nathan an absentee father at first, and the next, as Jamie grew up, he was the one who began leaving. They are both human and like everyone, they make mistakes they can't necessarily take back. But this is the journey that I want the characters to take; finding their way back after their mistakes. It's probably hard to see how this story is going to end with everything okay and at peace, but this story _will_ have a happy ending, I can assure you that. So please, have faith in me and in what I have planned. Thank you, and I'd love to hear what you think! :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: **Who You Were

**Author: **sera_rocks / Sera

**Rating: **M

**Summary: **After his father's death, James Lucas Scott is forced to go back to Tree Hill and the house he abandoned years ago to search for the will. What he finds goes beyond mere bequeathed possessions as he uncovers the secret past of the father he never knew, and the unforgettable love of two people who were destined to be together.

**A/N: **Hi y'all. Thank you for all the amazing reviews! They seriously helped me in getting over my writer's block. I've been pretty uninspired lately. Much thanks to **Lillie **for going over this crap (FINALLY. Lol. Kidding!) and enjoy this chapter! Reviews are loved and constructive criticism is much appreciated. :)

**Chapter 6:**

When James looked up from his spot on the floor and to the window, it was already getting dark. The horizon was becoming a hazy dark blue and there was a gentle pitter-patter of rain on the glass, just enough to lull anyone to sleep on a lazy day. He stood up and peered out the window. The streets were empty and were already lit by streetlamps, some of them already out of order. He watched one streetlight flicker, lost in his thoughts.

When its light eventually died, he glanced back at the chest and all the things he had brought out. Today, he had learned about his father's secret past that he was in the army during World War II, and so was his uncle Lucas. But neither of them had ever spoken about it. He found a few of his mother's things, as well as some photographs of his father when he was young. But that was it. There was so much he still didn't know. Perhaps, earlier in the day, before he discovered all of this, if he were ever given the chance to know the truth about his father, James would have immediately said no. Today changed everything.

Perhaps it was a way of retribution for Nathan, for neglecting to be there for his son. And perhaps, it was also for James, for eventually doing the same to his father … in many ways, it was for them both. But what was its significance now? What could it possibly do? His father was dead. He died before James could say he was sorry, before he could mend things. It was far too late for any sort of retribution. Even if he knew the whole truth, even if he knew everything he possibly wanted to know, it wouldn't make much of a difference now.

Slowly, James walked back to the chest and with a heaving heart and trembling hands, he closed the chest. For good.

_Noumea, New Caledonia, 1942_

"Haley James? D-did you just say Haley James?" Nathan repeated.

Jake frowned. "Uh – yeah. Do you know her?"

"I – I think I do," replied Nathan. For some odd reason he couldn't explain, he felt a little lightheaded. As far as Nathan could remember, Haley James had disappeared off the planet the day after the graduation party. He had tried looking for her all over town, and it was like she just vanished without a trace. No one knew where she was, or where her family was. Sure, they hadn't promised that they would meet each other again tomorrow or someday, but it was disheartening for Nathan. He really wanted to get to know her more and truth be told, she didn't tell him much that night – just the basics, like how old she was, how many brothers and sisters she had and what she wanted to be when she grew up.

He distinctly remembered her saying that she wanted to be a teacher. So what was she doing being a famous singer? Nathan had never heard of her again, even during college. If she was so famous, he would've heard about her. It was impossible – she couldn't be a singer. She didn't even give him an inclination that she was a good singer, much less want to be one. There must be dozens of girls named Haley James in the world.

But they sure as hell were not as beautiful as the woman who stepped onstage at that moment. He was sure of it. Nathan was mesmerized. He couldn't take his eyes off her. She had long dark curls that fell slightly below her shoulders and was in a pale white dress that clung to her curves modestly, but was still enough to show off her figure. When she lifted her head to look at all of them and the spotlight fell on her tiny frame, there was a quite audible gasp all across the field and everyone immediately fell silent.

She had such a commanding presence that made every person in the field want to look at her and keep looking at her, but at the same time, there was still a sense of innocence about her, as if she had no idea just how beautiful she really was, how all the men stared at her like she was the first girl they had ever seen. Nathan searched her eyes for any sort of emotion and he saw nothing but sincere pity for the men around her … she wanted to be here. She wasn't forced to, nor was she paid to. He felt his heart surge for her and he desperately wished she would look at his direction.

_Come on Haley, damn it – look here_.

Haley raised her hand and waved at them, smiling as she did. Finally, her gaze fell to Nathan's and the second brown met blue, her smile suddenly widened. She was looking straight at him as she announced into the microphone, "My name is Haley James, and I'm so glad to be here with you tonight."

* * *

Her voice was beautiful, almost haunting in a way that left Nathan wanting to hear more, wanting to watch her longer. He knew that he would never forget today – that he would never forget the fact that she kept her gaze on him most of the night. How could she not have told him that she could sing? How could she have let that big detail about her pass like it was nothing? Did he make her uncomfortable then, did he not tell her to talk about herself? Wasn't he friendly enough? A million questions flooded Nathan's mind as he watched her wave her good-byes to the crowd.

He was transfixed. He didn't want her to leave, and apparently, no one else did, so when she announced that she would be staying with them for a few days, everyone was thrilled. She gave them hope amidst all the despair that surrounded them. She represented everything they didn't have and wanted. She reminded them of home, of their wives, girlfriends, sisters, friends and loved ones that they sorely missed, that they wanted nothing but to see.

When the spotlight faded, almost everyone breathed a sigh. Tonight was one of the better nights. For one night, she made them forget about the war, about the terrible things that had happened and that will probably happen, and made them feel at home again. She made them feel like they still mattered, that despite all the horrible things they have done condoning this war, they mattered.

"You okay?"

Jake's voice broke into Nathan's thoughts and he turned to him. "She's amazing."

"She is," he agreed, carefully surveying Nathan's expression. He obviously hadn't forgotten what they were talking about before Haley had begun singing. "How do you know her again?"

"She went to my high school." Nathan replied, his gaze still on the spot where she had stood a few minutes ago.

"Does every attractive girl go that school?" Jake exclaimed as he raised his hands in the air exasperatedly. "What kind of small town is that?"

Nathan laughed and he ran his fingers through his dark hair, wondering if she still remembered him. He was quite sure he looked different now. He had bulked up over the years and he hadn't shaven in awhile. His eyes used to be full of hope and dreams, arrogance he regretted having. Now, they were empty.

She, on the other hand, had not changed as much as he thought she would. She was still incredibly beautiful but she looked well-kept now, like she lived the perfect and comfortable life of any famous celebrity. There was no way he would forget those sincerely kind brown eyes. No one had ever looked at him that way – like she really wanted to get to know him.

He glanced back at the empty stage and then to Jake. "What time do you think she'll come out again?"

"I don't know, but you better hurry up. It looks like everyone else wants to talk to her, too," replied Jake as he pointed his thumb to the crowd behind him that seemed to be eagerly awaiting Haley's return.

Nathan couldn't help but feel pangs of jealousy in the pit of his stomach. She could have any of these men and any of men had as much chance as he did. Just the thought of any one of them even laying one finger on her had Nathan's blood boiling so he turned to Jake and asked, "Do you know where the exit of the stage is?"

"No, but we could go look for it." Jake offered and so the two of them slipped out of the crowd and went to the side of the stage, looking for some sort of door or pathway where Haley could pass.

Sure enough, in a few minutes, they did find the door but much to Nathan's annoyance, more than a dozen other men were already crowding the doorway so even if Nathan would stand there all night and craning his neck to take one look at her, there was no way she could see him now. Nathan saw the expectant look on Jake's face as he waited for some sort of answer. "I'll stay here all night if I have to."

For a few seconds, Jake looked rather surprised but it quickly turned to an impressed

look. "She must have been some girl."

"She was,"

Suddenly, the door swung open and almost immediately, everyone started asking questions, pushing and shoving their way towards Haley. Nathan instinctively worried about her, wondering if she could handle it. She was so small and even with two soldiers guarding her, they were no match for dozens of other men.

Quickly, Nathan shoved several people away and tried to get through the crowd. He saw her almost hunched up against the soldier guarding her as they tried to make their way through. Somehow, he had managed to get right in front of her amidst the chaos and he almost laughed at the surprised look on her face.

"Nathan?" She asked loudly.

Nathan could barely hear her over the commotion behind him so he had to read her lips to understand her. "Do you want to get out of here?"

"What?"

"Do you want to get out of here?" He repeated loudly.

"Can you?"

He smiled at her as he held out his hand. "You're just going to have to trust me."

Nathan could've sworn that his heart leaped with joy when she answered with a small smile as she took his hand. "I do."

* * *

"Oh, thank God!" Haley practically shouted the moment Nathan led her away from the crowd and to a small, shady cove that lead to the shoreline of the beach.

Nathan laughed as he watched her run down the hill and to the shore. She immediately kicked off her shoes and ran to the edge of the shore so her feet would get wet. The cool breeze whipped her long brown hair and dress as she spun around and around the shore as drops of seawater dotted the hem of her skirt. Her smile was radiant and Nathan was quite sure that he had never seen anything or anyone more beautiful. She turned to her him, her eyes sparkling. "You're going to get in so much trouble." She teased him.

"For saving the damsel in distress? I don't think so."

Haley crossed her arms over her chest, narrowing her eyes at him. "I was not a damsel in distress. I could have done fine without you."

"Yeah, I suppose so," he grinned at her. "Admit it though, you're glad I did save you from them."

Her face broke into a grateful smile. "I am," she surveyed him for a few moments and then remarked, "I saw you in the crowd right away."

Nathan couldn't help but smirk at her words, and his smirk widened even more when he saw how she suddenly reddened. Some things never did change. He was suddenly really glad and rather thankful they didn't. "I don't blame you."

She playfully stuck her tongue out at him as she spun around in circles. "You were right in front. There's no way I couldn't have seen you," she paused, hesitating a bit. Then she quietly admitted, "I'm really glad I did, though."

"Yeah, if you didn't see me, you'd be stuck with them." Nathan teased, but all the while smiling gently at her so she would know that he appreciated what she said. He loved how comfortable and at ease they were with each other right away, like it did not take much effort for them – like they had known each other forever.

She walked towards him and sat on the sand, burying her toes beneath it. She played with the sand and watched the seagulls flying above them for awhile before softly saying, "How could something so horrible happen in such a beautiful place?"

"I wonder that same thing every day."

Haley tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear as her fingers played with the sand, apparently still deep in thought. "I go to so many beautiful places … so many beautiful countries and I wonder how war could happen in such a place that doesn't deserve something as terrible as it. These are the places you'd like to visit on vacation you know … and you're here because of a war. And all the people who live here … they don't deserve the constant scare of being attacked, the fear of suddenly losing everything. It's not right."

"I'm sorry you have to be here for us." Nathan answered quietly.

Haley shook her head. "I want to be here. I was the one who suggested to my manager that I do this," she paused, taking a deep breath. When she first spoke, her voice was trembling slightly so she cleared her throat before continuing, "My brother Matt is stationed in the war, too. I do this for him … in the hope that I see him again. Letters don't arrive anymore."

Nathan nodded in understanding. He didn't like how vulnerable she suddenly was, and how hurt and scared she sounded. He wished he could find the right words to comfort her but anything he came up with in his sounded stupider than the last one, so all he could say was, "I'm so sorry, Haley. Lucas is in the war, too. He hasn't written for some time, either."

"It's scary, isn't it? It's like, every day you don't receive a letter is a day closer to never receiving one again. I don't condone this war, but I feel like, if I do this – sing for all the men here – it's going to help somehow. Maybe I'll give them hope."

"You do give us hope. You helped us realize that someone still cared."

Haley looked up and straight into his dark blue eyes. Nathan saw himself in her eyes – literally and figuratively. "You must have been surprised – seeing me here."

He smiled crookedly at her. "You never told me you could sing."

"I wanted to get to know you." She said defensively.

"Did you ever think that I wanted to get to know you, too?"

She laughed. "I wasn't that interesting."

"Trust me – you always have been." Nathan promised. "You could make it up to me, though."

"How?"

"Tell me about yourself." He encouraged her.

"It could take all night," she warned him, smiling.

Nathan dismissed it with a wave of his hand. "If I'm already in trouble because I stole you from everyone, what's a few more hours?"

Call him selfish or anything to that sort, he didn't care. He didn't want her to leave his side. Not now, not ever. He never wanted this night to end.


	7. Chapter 7

**Title: **Who You Were

**Author: **sera_rocks / Sera

**Rating: **M

**Summary: **After his father's death, James Lucas Scott is forced to go back to Tree Hill and the house he abandoned years ago to search for the will. What he finds goes beyond mere bequeathed possessions as he uncovers the secret past of the father he never knew, and the unforgettable love of two people who were destined to be together.

**A/N: **Hi everyone. Thank you for all your lovely reviews last chapter. They were awesome. Again, much thanks to Lillie for looking over this and enjoy this chapter!

**Chapter 7:**

When James stepped out into the night, he looked up at the sky and for a moment, stood at the middle of the pathway that lead to the gate and let the rain fall. He had always liked rain. Most people ran away from it the moment it started to fall. Most people desperately tried to find shelter when it rained. James never did. He remembered being a child and playing outside when it would suddenly rain and all the kids around him would run home and he did not, until his mom came for him anyway.

And she wouldn't even get mad or annoyed. She would kneel next to him, not bothering if her skirt would get all muddy because of the puddles, and whisper, "Jamie, it's time to come home."

"I don't want to," he would whisper back.

"I know you don't. Rain is a wonderful thing."

"Why do I have to go home then?"

She would pretend to consider her answer and then say, "I guess we could play around for awhile." She would then smile as she stands up. Her eyes are suddenly lit with mischief but at the same time, kind of lonely, too – as if fond memories were playing back in her head and she missed them. Unafraid, she would stomp on a nearby puddle, instantly making large stains on James' clothes and giggling at his expression. They played that game outside for hours, or at least until the rain would stop.

For some reason, his mother loved the rain as much as he did, probably more. She always seemed much happier when it rained, which was a quite stark contrast to the gloom and dullness rain always brought along. There were times, when they had already gone inside and got cleaned up, that his mother would sit by the window and stare outside, a rather content smile on her face.

James used to watch her for some time as she did this, and he often wondered if there was a movie playing in her head, just for her eyes to see. She looked different during those times, a smile constantly etched on her face and that actually reached her eyes so they sparkled happily, and she seemed to be in such a good mood, so one day, he decided to ask her why she seemed to love the rain so much.

Haley smiled gently at him as she pulled him into a hug. "The rain is very special for me and your father."

"He doesn't seem to like it very much … not like you do." James pointed out.

Haley heaved a rather big sigh and she suddenly looked just like she did in the rain – very much lonely. "I wish you would get to see how much he does, even just once."

James never did and even until now, he still often thought about it. His father hardly showed any care for anything aside from basketball and the car business. It was still hard to believe that his father had some well beyond decent relationship with his Uncle Lucas, and he actually loved his mother.

With one final look at the house that towered behind him, he dug into his pockets for his car keys and got inside. He sat in the driver's seat, still staring at the house. A part of him wondered what else could be left in the chest in the attic, as if whatever that was left in there would give him any answers. The reason in him kept saying that it was no use – that whatever memorabilia left up there was only going to give him more questions.

James knew he could not stay away from that attic even if he tried. He knew he would have to come back some time later this week to look for that will and he would not be able to stop himself from going upstairs and looking through that chest. And even if he was able to resist, he would always have those questions nagging him, always hovering, taunting him.

He gripped the steering wheel tightly. He was going to have to go to someone else for answers.

* * *

When James walked inside the house, he was expecting his wife to be seated on the couch facing the front door, anxiously waiting for his arrival but he was surprised to find the living room empty. In fact, the entire first floor was empty and dark, except for the hallway light that was switched open.

James shut the door behind him and as soon he locked it, he heard footsteps coming towards him and a voice asked, "How was it?"

He spun around and practically heaved a sigh of relief when she saw the calm look on his wife's face. He smiled at her as he pulled her into a tight hug, breathing in her intoxicating scent. Ever since he and Beth got married, James promised himself he wouldn't make the same mistakes his father made. He made sure that he always showed his wife how much he loved her and that he was always there for his children. He wasn't going to make history repeat itself.

He held her at arms' length, taking in her beautiful features. "It was … much more difficult than I imagined."

"I expected that. You're home earlier than I thought you would be," she admitted, softly running her fingers over the side of his face. "Did you find what you were looking for?"

"No. I found some answers, though."

"And?"

"At this point, I have more answers than questions," he gave another exhausted sigh as he settled himself on the couch. He immediately put an arm around her shoulders as she snuggled up to him. They sat there in silence for a few minutes until James suddenly said, "I don't think I could stop myself from wanting to know more."

"So you're going back tomorrow?" Beth asked him.

"Probably," he paused, his fingers interlacing with hers. His gaze fell on the framed photograph of his mother sitting on top of the nearby table. "There's something I have to do first."

_Noumea, New Caledonia, 1942_

"I would never leave this place if I were given a choice," whispered Haley. They were lying on top of the sand, staring at the millions of stars that twinkled down at them. Neither of them had any idea how long they had been in that beach since Nathan "stole" her from everyone, but they had no intention of finding out. As far as they were concerned, tonight was just an exceptionally long night and as long as they were together, it wasn't going to end.

They had talked all night as if their topics were about as many as the stars in the sky. There was never a moment of silence between them and there were no barriers, no reservations, and no initial shyness. It was as if they had known each other their whole lives that there was no fear of being judged. And somehow, it was really that way. They were getting to know each other tonight and as Haley talked on and on about herself, Nathan found himself wanting to know more and more.

He was captivated. She was unlike any other girl he had ever met. Not only was she incredibly beautiful in her own right, but she was actually _normal_. She had flaws and she wasn't afraid to talk about them. She couldn't play any sport even if she tried. She once slipped in her aunt's wedding when she was five while walking down the aisle and ended up crying right then and there. She found it difficult to say no to anyone. Growing up, she hated her older sister Taylor because she felt insecure about how unbelievably gorgeous Taylor was as opposed to her. Nathan had seen Taylor around in school and actually scoffed the moment Haley told him. Taylor was nothing compared to Haley. And she rambled. She talked on and on about things as if every single topic was connected to each other and even if there were times Nathan didn't entirely understand what she was talking about, he loved it. She often felt embarrassed when she realized that she was rambling but Nathan was always quick to assure her he didn't mind.

Nathan turned his head towards her, unsure of what to say. He sure as hell didn't want her to leave but at the same time, she couldn't stay in a country where war was bound to happen any time soon. So all he could respond was, "Why?"

"When I was a little girl, I used to imagine getting married by the beach. When my parents took us to all sorts of beaches, I was so excited. It was like looking for the perfect wedding location and none of the beaches they took us to fit the bill of what I wanted. In the end, I always thought that the beach back in Tree Hill was perfect," her eyes misted a bit at that point and she continued, "Then I came here and I realized how perfect this place would be, too," Haley sat up and looked around, sighing. "Just look at this beach and all those wild purple flowers everywhere … it's like home."

Nathan found himself picturing her wedding day by the beach in Tree Hill with him standing by her side … he mentally slapped himself. What the hell was he thinking? He returned his gaze to her. "You wouldn't want to get married here – not with this war. Maybe get married here before the war broke out but even if it does end, wouldn't this place just remind of you the terrible things that happened here?"

Haley nodded. "I suppose … but not everything that happened here is terrible. I got to see you again."

Nathan felt his heart soar and he returned her smile, hoping that she'd see how happy he was that he saw her again. "You never told me what happened to you after that graduation party."

She looked a bit saddened as she lightly ran her fingers through her hair to remove the sand that clung to it. "We moved," she answered simply. "It was getting harder and harder living in Tree Hill. My dad found a job in California like everyone else. We were supposed to move a little earlier in the year, but he found a job in Tree Hill. It didn't last long, though. He lost it a few weeks before graduation. He didn't tell us until after my graduation. He wanted me to finish school." As she spoke, her voice became softer and softer but there was no hiding the pain and longing in her voice. She gripped her knees tightly against her chest as she stared into the distance.

"Your father sounds amazing. My dad was anything but a dad." Nathan didn't mean to sound so bitter but he did the moment he spoke. He wanted to console her somehow but the anger he felt for his father suddenly rose up within him. He never spoke about Dan with anyone and now that he started to, he couldn't stop himself from feeling angry.

Nathan was surprised at how apologetic she suddenly looked. "I'm sorry."

Her words were so simple and yet, her gaze was so arresting, so unwaveringly kind and sincerely sorry for him that he wanted to pull her into his arms and just hold her for the rest of the night. He gave her a hesitant smile which she thankfully returned and abruptly changed the topic. "So how did you suddenly become this famous singer? I thought I would have heard about you in college."

Haley laughed. "It was very sudden, to be quite honest. It's not like I woke up one day and said, 'I want to be a singer' then went to recording companies and handed out demos. I always knew I had some sort of musical inclination and that was it. My brother Matt was the one who sent the demos to a few companies. He wasn't even really serious about it and the next thing I knew, I was being swept away in limousines and recording songs," she gazed at him with an odd look on her face. "Wait, so you really went to college?"

"Gee, thanks for the faith in me, Haley." Nathan said in mock indignation.

She giggled while playfully swatting his shoulder. "You know what I mean. Where did you go?"

"I went to Duke," he replied rather proudly. He loved how her eyes suddenly lit up, glad that she remembered him once mentioning that it had always been his dream to go to college there and play basketball. "I got accepted and had a basketball scholarship. I majored in business just so my dad would shut up about someone taking over the car dealership since Lucas wanted to write."

Her eyes softened at the mention of Nathan taking up business so Lucas would be able to write. "That is amazing, Nathan. I'm so proud that you got that far."

Nathan had heard people say that they were proud of him – of course his dad wasn't one of them – but they were nothing compared to how he felt when Haley said it. "I didn't get into the NBA immediately, though. As soon as I graduated, I had a lot of offers from different teams but my dad wanted me to work in the car dealership. Being the idiot that I was, I worked there for a pretty long time but I was so sick and tired of doing something my dad wanted me to do instead of doing what I wanted. I didn't work hard to get into Duke and graduate for nothing. So one day, I told my dad that I was done with the business and left. I only just started trying out for teams when I got the letter that I was being recruited by the army. I don't know if I was even accepted. Maybe dad burned the letters as soon as they arrived, I don't know."

Haley reached out and took his hand, instantly enveloping it in its comforting warmth. "Nate …"

He shook his head, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "It's alright. At least I have something to look forward to when this war ends. I could get another shot at basketball. And … at least once of us had a dream come true," He didn't sound resentful at all. He was actually sincerely happy for her. "For some famous singer, you still haven't given me anything to brag about to the other guys."

"Well, what do you want?"

Nathan thought about it for a moment and then reached into his pocket to bring out a small black notebook and a pen. "How about an autograph?"

Haley burst out laughing. "I thought you were going to ask for a kiss or something."

"Well, now that you mention it …" he teased, his eyebrows raised mischievously. He laughed loudly when she blushed and gave him a little shove. "I'm kidding. An autograph is fine."

Still blushing a bit, she reached out and grabbed the notebook and pen from him. With a flourish, she signed her name in one of the pages. "Why do you keep a notebook with you, anyway?"

Nathan shrugged. "Lucas gave the notebook to me as a birthday gift. I thought it was pretty stupid back then, but it reminds me of him so I keep it with me."

Before Haley could say anything, there was the sound of rustling leaves behind them and from the bushes emerged Jake, who looked so exhausted, relieved and annoyed at the same time that it was almost comical. "So this is where you both have been all night?"

"What's going on?" Nathan asked.

"The general is looking for you, Miss James. You've been gone a pretty long time, and people were starting to wonder. I tried coming up with every excuse I could possibly think of so people wouldn't ask too much questions but it wasn't enough." Jake said politely.

Haley exchanged glances with Nathan and quickly stood up, brushing sand off her dress. She haphazardly ran her fingers through her hair, hoping it will somehow tame it and walked towards Jake. "Thank you," she told him, smiling gratefully.

Before she could reach Jake, she stopped walking and bent down to pick up a single purple flower. After a few seconds with her back turned to Nathan, she turned around and then returned the notebook to him. "To remember tonight."

With his brows furrowed, Nathan opened the notebook to the page where Haley signed her name. She had tucked the flower inside. He watched her walk away a few seconds and quickly ran after her. He tugged her arm and asked, "When can I see you again?"

Haley looked up at him with her beautiful brown eyes and smiled. "Anytime you want."

_Tree Hill, present time_

James' car parked at the driveway of the beach house. He hadn't been here in years and the feeling was almost the same as how he felt when he had first driven up in the other house. After a few minutes of mental preparation, he forced himself to step out of the car. As James walked towards the house, his gaze often wandered to the beach as he remembered playing here as a child and then eventually growing up and having beach parties here with his friends. This was also the house his father often went to every time he was in town but wasn't home. Apparently, it was a pretty special place to him.

If before, James would have detested being there, he didn't anymore. Not that much, anyway. Somehow, his initial disdain for anything that concerned his father somehow wavered. He had no definite reason as to why he felt that way, but he supposed it was from getting to know his father's past a bit more. And today, he was sure he was going to get more answers.

James stood at the front door and with a deep breath, knocked. He waited for a few seconds and knocked again. He was starting to wonder if anyone was home. He was sure there was someone – the bedroom light was on.

Just as he was about to turn and leave, he heard the door unlock and a voice ask, "Jamie?"

James felt his heart soar, his knees buckle. The words came easily, effortlessly and they came with a feeling that was sorely missed. "Mom!"


	8. Chapter 8

**Title: **Who You Were

**Author: **sera_rocks / Sera

**Rating: **M

**Summary: **After his father's death, James Lucas Scott is forced to go back to Tree Hill and the house he abandoned years ago to search for the will. What he finds goes beyond mere bequeathed possessions as he uncovers the secret past of the father he never knew, and the unforgettable love of two people who were destined to be together.

**A/N: **This is not an illusion. This is really an update. I know, shocking. I am so sorry for the extremely long wait. I took a long break from the show and a lot of fandoms actually to focus on real life. It's been a hard few weeks for me, so I hope you understand the hiatus. This chapter is unbeta-ed so please excuse any grammatical errors or typos and the like. Thanks for the wonderful reviews that kept me going in writing this chapter for you and please keep them coming! Constructive criticism is also very much welcome and duly noted. :)

**Chapter 8:**

There was a sudden calm in the air whenever his mother stepped into the room. She had a certain kind of warmth to her, like she made everyone feel safe. When James was a little boy, he used to think that his mother had superpowers, as if having the ability to naturally calm people down was her power. When he grew up, he realized that Haley was just an amazing mother, and that everything she did came naturally to her.

Even now, as he stood in front of her, she still had that effect on him and his nerves of seeing her again were instantly gone. Immediately, he threw himself at her and despite her being much smaller than him, it felt like he was home. He hadn't felt her hug and touch in years. He held her at arms' length and gazed at her. Time and age had done her well. Her hair was now a faded dark brown with streaks of gray, and her face lined but she was still effortlessly beautiful – especially her eyes. They were still as expressive and kind as they always were.

"Damn it Jamie, you are much too tall to be letting me hug you this way. You're going to give me back pains tonight," she mockingly complained while he laughed. "I feel like so odd calling you 'Jamie' when you are, how old now? Thirty? Thirty-five?"

"You're the only person in the world who can still call me that, mom." He sincerely said, feeling happier than he had ever felt since the last time he saw her.

Haley smiled, tiny crow's feet crinkling at the corner of her eyes. She lovingly grazed the side of her son's face with the tip of her fingers, gazing intently at him. For a split second, her eyes were suddenly filled with sadness, which didn't go unnoticed to James. She saw the questioning look on his face and quietly explained, "You look so much like your father, Jamie. It's like I'm looking at him right now."

Normally, James would have recoiled at the thought of being compared to his father again, but this time, he shrugged as if it was the most normal thing to him, and went inside. He shut the door behind him and looked around. The house hadn't changed. Unlike the other house which clearly looked like it had been abandoned, this one looked like it had been recently occupied. His mother was an exceedingly neat and organized person but everything gave off the feel that it had been used … touched … cared for. His heart swelled at the thought of seeing her again. "I've missed you so much, mom. You have no idea."

"I've missed you too," she leaned up on tiptoe to lay a kiss on his cheek. "How are Beth and the kids?"

"They're great. I plan on bringing them over here soon."

Haley beamed at him in response. She always loved spending time with her grandchildren whenever she had the chance. James had lost count of how many times his children nagged him about when they were going to see Haley again.

James gazed at the nearest set of framed photographs, particularly on the one in the middle. It was a picture of his mother and father, but unlike all the other pictures he had seen, they looked so happy and in love. Nathan's arm was around her shoulders while she had her arms wrapped around his waist while they both smiled at the camera. They both looked to be quite young, around their early twenties. The glinting wedding rings on their fingers didn't go unnoticed, either.

"We just got married," explained Haley softly. Her expression was reminiscent again, much like it was whenever it rained. She ran her finger lightly over the glass of the frame and pointed to a rather faded part of the picture. "You can't see it now, but that was the house we were living in then."

Curiosity overcame James and when he spoke, his voice was full of pleading urgency. "How come I only saw this now? I've seen every picture in this house at least twice. I would have seen this picture before. I was always looking for some sort of sign that at one point in time, you and dad were both in love and …"

Haley held up her hand, smiling sadly as she did. "Your father and I loved each other very much, Jamie. You know how many times I've told you that. We will always love each other, despite differences we've had."

Tired of hearing his mother say that speech for the umpteenth time, James sighed, digging his hands deep into his jacket pockets. "Where did the picture come from?"

"It's mine," she answered. "It's always been with me everywhere I go, but since I hardly go anywhere now, I decided to give it a frame. It should be here. This place deserves even just one picture of us happy."

James silently wished he could have seen that picture before. It could have given him so much hope. Perhaps he wouldn't have been so bitter of what had happened with his parents. Perhaps he wouldn't have been so mad at his father. He cast a wary glance at his mother and judging by the look on her face, she knew what he was silently wishing.

"There's no use wondering what could have been, Jamie. You know that."

He nodded and after watching her take a seat on the couch, he sat down next to her. "How long have you been in town?"

"A few weeks," she replied. "I've been preparing for the funeral … fixing the house … hiring people … there's no one else who would do it."

"You could've –"

"Told you?" Haley finished, smiling slightly. "I don't think you would have agreed, even if it were me who asked."

James was silent for a moment. "I'm sorry I didn't see you at the funeral. I wanted to see you. I really did. I just wanted to get it over with and if I saw you, I don't think I could have handled seeing you cry or hurt."

"Jamie, I've lived a long life. I know death comes with age, and if it was your father's time, it was his time. I've learned to accept the inevitable, just like what the rest of my life was."

"Would you tell me – would you tell me what the rest of your life was?"

Her eyes narrowed slightly in confusion. "Jamie, what exactly is this about?"

_Noumea, New Caledonia, 1942_

"You're a bloody idiot, you know that?" Jake remarked as he watched Nathan hurriedly get dressed in the limited space of their tent.

"Why, because I am trying to impress this amazing girl by visiting her at –" he glanced at his watch. "–one in the morning?"

"No, because you have already gotten in trouble by stealing this amazing girl from everyone until one in the morning," replied Jake, referring to the incident that occurred yesterday when the general had reprimanded Nathan. "By the way, you shouldn't have to worry about impressing her. She seems to really like you already."

Nathan paused in the middle of his buttoning his uniform. "It's not enough."

Jake blatantly stared at his friend. "What do you mean it's not enough? That girl doesn't see any other man in this entire camp _but_ you! This morning at breakfast, she was talking to the general but her gaze was at you! And now you're telling me that it's not enough?"

He was quiet for a moment, completely stilling from what he was previously doing. "When I was in high school, Haley was in a completely different social circle. Well, you know how high school was, and truth be told, I was a jackass. I didn't bother associating with people like her. But she always stood out to me. I used to look for her every day, even when I haven't actually seen her face yet. Just to catch even a small, quick glimpse of her – it was enough. She was everything I wanted to be, everything I wished I could be. I want her to know that. I want her to know that I've always felt that way."

Jake continued to stare at Nathan, unable to say anything. When he finally found it in himself to speak, he remarked, "The war has softened you."

Nathan laughed while shaking his head in amusement. His face went from amused to serious as he gazed through the slit of the tent and out into the darkness of the night. He could see the glow of the moon outside and wondered how long would they be living this way – how long until the enemy attacked them. He silently wished Haley would be gone by then. "The war has changed a lot of things."

Jake nodded and he fell back onto the sleeping bag as he stared at the roof of the tent. "You think when this war is over, we'll be …" His voice drifted off and he let the silence finish the sentence. He couldn't bring himself to.

"I don't know," answered Nathan honestly. He resumed to buttoning his shirt and added, "But I'm not going to waste any chances, as long as Haley as here and as long as I'm alive." There, he said it. Nathan felt a shiver of fear go through him as his mind considered the immense possibility that he could die here. He had never really thought about death before. He went into this war with the intent of getting it over with and going home as soon as possible. Even with Lucas' letters talking about death, the thought had never really sunk in until now. Nathan swallowed, and pushed the thought away from his mind.

Just as he was about to crawl out of the tent, he heard Jake call his name. He looked over his shoulder. "Yeah?"

"You don't have to worry about her forgetting you when she leaves. Trust me, she won't."

Hearing Jake acknowledge what Nathan had been thinking about all day made him truly thankful for a friend like him. He didn't know anyone else here who could give him that kind of reassurance. The last time he had a friend like Jake was Lucas, and even that seemed like decades ago. It had become an unfamiliar feeling, this kind of friendship. Unsure of what to say, he answered with a safe, "Thanks."

And with that, he disappeared into the night. The walk to Haley's cabin wasn't far, but it wasn't easy either, seeing as it was rather dark and he wasn't sure if he was going the right way. In the distance, he could see the faint outline of her room and the glowing light inside. It was a modest room that contained only a single bed, one small desk and a stool, but it was much bigger than where the soldiers like him slept.

For the first time in his life, Nathan felt nervous and he was surprised to see his hand tremble slightly as it reached out to knock on the door. The nerves only increased by the second and he didn't even feel himself moving now. All he could hear was the sound of tentative knocking, so quiet that even he wondered if it was loud enough for her to hear. Nathan contemplated what he would do next if Haley was asleep. He could try waking her up early later … maybe they could go out to the beach again and …

"Nathan?"

He had been so deep in thought that he didn't realize she had already opened the door. He felt the familiar surge at the pit of his stomach when he saw her. Her beautiful features glowed with the pale moonlight and the faint light from inside the room. She looked to be half-asleep as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "What are you doing here? It's one in the morning."

Nathan was beginning to panic. What if she said no? He had never been rejected before. He had always been the one to reject and if she rejected him, he didn't know what he would do. He took a deep breath and tried to remain calm. "I know … but I was thinking we could go for a walk."

"We went for a walk awhile ago. Remember?"

"Yes, but that time, there was no moon." God, that sounded even stupider when he said it aloud. Nathan was starting to feel ridiculous. Maybe Jake was right – maybe he _was_ a bloody idiot for doing this.

Haley chuckled. "Stay right there," she went back inside and closed the door behind her. After a minute or so, she returned with a shawl draped around her shoulders. "Shall we?"

Nathan grinned, the relief filling him completely. For a few minutes, they walked in complete silence, content with the thought of just being together. He could hear the faint sound of the waves lapping at the shore in the distance and the rustle of the leaves with the gentle wind. Each step he took, she took a small one and Nathan had to slow his pace so he could walk next to her. She walked much closer to him now, he noticed. Was it progress? He liked to think it was.

"What do you plan on doing after this war?" She suddenly asked him.

_If I'm still alive._ The thought of death in this war crossed him once again, and Nathan felt the familiar surge of fear rise within him. Maybe before, the thought of death wouldn't have scared him but he had Haley now. Perhaps it wasn't really the idea of death that scared Nathan, but the idea that he wouldn't have her in his life … he couldn't fathom it.

"I'll probably go into basketball again," he answered and wondered if they would take him again. He wondered if they would take some ex-soldier who survived the war. He gazed at her for a few minutes and tentatively added, "Maybe look for you."

At first, she looked up at him in surprise, her doe eyes widening slightly. She smiled softly at him. "You'll always find me, Nathan. I didn't think I'd see you again, and here we are."

"Here we are," he repeated, and smiled back at her.

She remained quiet for a few seconds then said, "Tell me a secret."

"A secret?"

"Yes. Any kind of secret you want."

Nathan thought for a second and answered, "I don't like pie."

Haley burst into a fit of giggles before playfully swatting his arm. "Come on, I was being serious."

"So was I. And you said any kind of secret," he teased. The playfulness of their conversation settled down and he quietly added, "When I was a kid, I used to hear my friends talk about how their moms baked them birthday cakes and how everyone in the house would eat it together, and I used to look forward to what kind cake my mom would bake for me. When my birthday came around, I ran into the kitchen, ready to eat with parents whatever mom baked. I didn't care if it wouldn't taste good, or if it was the worst-tasting cake in the world. All I was thinking was, 'My mom baked this for me.' When I got into the kitchen, both my parents were gone and on the kitchen counter was a box of pie she had the maid buy that morning. It was like that every single birthday. I never touched what she bought. I never will."

Nathan had been staring at the ground all throughout the time he spoke, deep in his thoughts and memories. He felt her gently grasp his arm and he turned to her, seeing the sincere compassion and kindness in her eyes. She never looked at him with pity or that she looked like she was sorry for him, like what everyone else did. He appreciated that about her. "What about you? Tell me a secret."

Haley considered this for a moment. When she spoke, her voice was suddenly softer and her gaze was solely on him. "Any kind of secret?"

"Sure."

The next thing he knew, he felt her small hand slip comfortably into his. He reveled in the sudden warmth of her touch. There was no nerves, no awkwardness – as if this was the most natural thing in the world. "I know it has only been two days but …" she carefully interlaced her fingers with his, gently tightening her hold on him. "You make me feel safe."


End file.
